


Revelation

by majorjack



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Femslash, Internalized Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-02-23 03:47:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13181715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/majorjack/pseuds/majorjack
Summary: Major Kira Nerys reaches a breaking point with her feelings for Lieutenant Commander Jadzia Dax. Instead of reaching out to Jadzia, she pulls back in isolation. Jadzia must find a way to get Kira to be honest and take a chance on love.Takes place early in the series.





	1. Regret It Already

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first DS9 story and I'm new to the fandom, so any pointers on details I don't have right would be super helpful! Hope you enjoy :)

Major Kira Nerys was in her quarters when the door chimed. 

“Come in!” 

Enter Lieutenant Jadzia Dax. 

Kira’s heartbeat quickened. “Jadzia, I wasn’t expecting you.”

Jadzia smiled and peered down at her feet, the way she smiled when she was withholding a secret. She took a few steps forward and looked at the space next to Kira on her couch. Kira motioned for her to sit. 

She exhaled loudly and looked up at Kira, Jadzia still smiling brightly. She paused, then said “Now I know you’re not a fan of the holosuites…”

Kira immediately jumped up from her seat and sighed loudly with her arms in the air. “Jadzia, I adore you, but how many of these inane holosuite programs must we try before you understand that I simply don’t like them?”

“But-” Jadzia held up a hand, “I truly believe this is the one for you.”

Kira rolled her eyes. “And what makes you think that?” she said, her tone teasing. 

“Because,” Jadzia pushed herself up from her seat and moved closer to Kira. Whispering, she continued “I got it just for you.” She gave Kira a big smile, hoping to see a similarly positive reaction. Kira’s face remained unenthused. “You have told me so many stories of the mountains of Bajor and how beautiful they are. I know a holoprogram will not be nearly as beautiful, but you can’t exactly run off to Bajor every time you have a spare hour or two. I ordered a program to be made of Dinurian pass in the Gotesh mountains. I just tried it out for myself and it is marvelous. Really Kira, you need to try it. Preferably with me, there are so many lakes I didn’t get the chance to explore!”

Kira couldn’t stand the idea of another holosuite program. She despised every program she’d tried and she hated the looks Quark would give her when she would request one, especially when Jadzia was going with her. She could smack Quark for the eye wags but that would only fuel his teasing even more. 

But when she looked at Jadzia’s face…

She was so enthused. Kira knew how much time and effort Jadzia had been putting into this, persuading Kira to have more fun on the station and looking for new and exciting ways to spend time with her. Kira didn’t do much for fun, but that didn’t stop Jadzia from trying. She even tried to teach her Tongo once, but Kira lasted no more than two minutes with that many Ferengi. 

“Ok.” Kira’s arms slumped down in defeat and Jadzia jumped into the air, rejoicing at Kira’s decision. She grabbed Kira’s shoulders. 

“How about tomorrow at 0900 hours? We can get breakfast and then go for a morning hike?”

“Why not?” Kira resigned. She didn’t exactly have anything else to do on her day off. 

“You won’t regret this!” Jadzia patted Kira on the shoulders and then made a beeline for the door. As she made her exit she turned to smile at Kira. 

“Oh Jadzia,” Kira mumbled, “I already do.”


	2. Call Me Nerys

Kira slumped her way across the Promenade. It was still quiet, many choosing to sleep in while the shops began to open. She rubbed her eyes in a futile attempt to wake herself up. She was so tired, she even forgot to replicate a cup of coffee before she left her quarters. 

Kira had been tossing and turning all night, kept up by thoughts of her plans with Jadzia. Every week she came to Kira with new holoprograms to try and new places to go on the station. They even went off station once, to explore an M-class planet colonized a few decades ago by the Federation. Kira loved every moment she spent with Jadzia - hated the holoprograms - but still agreed every chance she could because Jadzia would be there. 

She had known for weeks this was getting out of hand. As the time passed her worry only grew stronger, her fears only more assured: she was falling for Lieutenant Dax. There wasn’t much she could do about it and it didn’t help that Jadzia seemed to like Kira as well. Not infatuated of course, but Jadzia seemed so intent on them being the closest of friends. At first Kira was hesitant to accept her offers; she knew she was attracted to the Trill and would only become more infatuated by spending time with her. But nevertheless, Kira ignored her sound logic and began accepting Jadzia’s invitations. 

She made the final mistake one evening, when they were getting food at Jadzia’s favorite Klingon restaurant on the Promenade and discussing previous intimate relationships. “Oh my goodness, Kira!” Jadzia giggled at one of the Major’s more scandalous stories just before the restaurant owner broke out in song. When he finished singing a few minutes later, there was a pause; both women were suddenly struggling to suavely continue their private conversation. Kira stole a few awkward glances at Jadzia and before she thought it through, she broke the silence. “You can call me Nerys, you know.” 

Jadzia looked up and smiled widely, beaming at her. “Are you sure? You don’t need to say that if you don’t want to.”

“No, no, I do. You can call me Nerys, if you’d like.” Kira was both cursing herself for bringing it up and on the edge of her seat to see how Jadzia reacted. No one else on the station called her by her given name and no one would dare to either. She knew that and she knew Jadzia knew that too. To call her by her given name would mean Jadzia was closer to her than any other person on the station, which wasn’t a surprise but it still felt like asking if their relationship was ‘official.’

“I’d like that, Nerys.” 

Kira melted on the spot. 

. . . 

And now here she was, three months later and still following Jadzia around like a puppy dog. 

“Kira!” She turned around to spot Jadzia, jogging towards her. “You’re here early!” 

“I woke up a little earlier than usual I suppose,” Kira replied dryly. 

“Have you eaten?”

“No, but I could definitely use some fuel before we go hiking. I won’t last two minutes if I don’t get some raktajino in me.”

Jadzia smiled sweetly. “Then breakfast it is!” 

Jadzia’s long legs carried her quickly towards a nearby shop. Kira followed behind.


	3. Distracted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our self-hating heroine hits a stumbling block, literally.

“And then he said, ‘That’s not a Cardassian vole, that’s Quark!’”

Kira and Jadzia burst out laughing.

“Quark really shrieked like that?” Kira remarked incredulously.

“Oh he did. He might not admit it but that sonic generator of O’Brien’s was not too nice on Quark’s ears.”

Kira laughed again, grinning ear to ear. “Boy, would I have _paid_ to see that.”

“A few strips of gold-pressed latinum and I’m sure he’d do it for you!” They continued laughing and chatting as they moved through the valley. On either side of them were tall mountains with peaks hundreds and thousands of meters into the sky. Lilac and baby blue flowers sparsely lined the worn path they travelled on. It was a warm day, no need for jackets or long pants. Kira wore her usual white blouse and had rolled up her loose shorts to her mid thighs. Jadzia had been wearing a sheer purple top with a white jacket over it, but placed the jacket in her bag after they began hiking. She wore slim black pants made to keep cool in warmer weather. With her hair pinned back and standing about an inch taller than usual in her hiking boots, she was a sight to see.

Kira walked behind Jadzia and studied Jadzia’s figure when she wasn’t turned around, telling another story of Curzon’s triumphs. She couldn’t keep her eyes off of the Trill’s spots, visible when Jadzia looked back. She only wished Jadzia’s pants were as see-through as her top.

With every glance came a pang of guilt.

Kira knew she couldn’t keep up this charade much longer. Benjamin was starting to notice she was preoccupied at work and Odo could tell something was wrong with her. Kira’s only saving grace was that her nervous behavior often overcompensated into confidence. She’d nervously laugh but it would come out as booming. She’d talk faster and louder but that somehow made her seem more sure of herself. If she displayed the more typical signs of falling for Jadzia the gig would have been up a very long time ago.

And she wanted to stop thinking about Jadzia this way. This woman was her friend, one of the only women on the station who had attempted to forge a real and true friendship with her, despite all of Kira’s prickliness. It was beyond inappropriate to be staring at her body in such a sexualizing way, let alone the daydreams Kira would have about her and Jadzia, alone and in bed, or alone and tucked away in a cool forest, or alone and in the shower…

 _Stop_ , she commanded herself. It was inappropriate to think of Jadzia in this way. Kira was her superior and a few years older than the young woman. _Maybe not Dax, but she was older than Jadzia._ Kira ought to know better. Jadzia didn’t reciprocate those feelings and she certainly wasn’t spending time with Kira so Kira could not so secretly ogle at her. Jadzia would be so disgusted if she knew what was going on in Kira’s head. Even more, she’d feel betrayed and Kira was responsible. She just had so much trouble saying no to Jadzia, even though she knew it would only make her feel guilty and shameful in the end. Kira had been trying to find a way to avoid Jadzia for weeks but this magnetic attraction kept pulling her closer no matter how much she struggled. Jadzia’s smile, her curves, her soft hair, her delicate spots that perfectly lined her face, the way she was always so cool and calm, even seeing Jadzia’s strange friendship with Quark made Kira smile.

Their path narrowed as the mountain to their left turned into a wide river that flowed from the their snowcaps. The path continued along a short shelf against the mountain, with a few other and much less steep paths below that zig-zagged to the water.

“I didn’t attempt this part my first time, so we’re both on new ground now.” Jadzia yelled over her shoulder.

“I can see why you turned around here. There isn’t much to hold onto.” Not one to scare easily, Kira peered over to the water, marveling at its beauty. The baby blue and lilac flowers now spread throughout the green valley as far as the eye could see. She imagined visiting this place as a child, how much bigger it would have felt if she and her father had spent time together here when she was four, six, nine, or thirteen. As Kira continued to become wrapped up in the beauty of the scene, Jadzia was having trouble navigating in front.

“Hold on, this ledge seems unsta-” _Thud_. Kira walked right into a bent-over Jadzia and Jadzia began to lose her footing, falling to the right over the side of the path. Kira grabbed her arm and tried to pull her back up, but the same loose rocks that had stopped Jadzia now crumbled under Kira’s feet. Suddenly they both went tumbling down the hill, holding onto each other in an attempt to break the other’s fall. They slowed to a halt at the next part of the path, a much wider expanse of grass that was warm under the sun’s rays.

Both women peeked an eye open to see where they hand landed and looked at each other. Kira laid squarely on top of Jadzia, their faces only a few inches apart. Jadzia began to laugh at the ridiculous turn of events, but Kira became unsettled. She tried to sit up and realized not only had she been so close to Jadzia’s face, but now she was sitting squarely on Jadzia’s hips, her knees on either side of Jadzia’s abdomen. Jadzia’s laugh faded. “Are you okay?”

Kira’s cheeks became hot and she felt herself getting aroused at the contact. She had dreamed about straddling Jadzia more times than she could count but that was only when she was alone, when she could pretend it didn’t mean anything. Her body was reacting in ways she did not want it to and Kira panicked at her apparent absence of control. It was obscene, her becoming hot and bothered at such an innocent touch.

Kira jumped off of Jadzia and stood a few feet away, composing herself before she turned, practically breaking into a jog. “Computer, end program.”

She exited the holosuite and headed towards her quarters without ever turning around. Jadzia laid there, on the floor of the holosuite, stunned and wondering what she could have done wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me some comments to let me know how it's going so far! The rest of the story will probably be posted within the next two weeks :)


	4. How To

With one exception, Kira spent the rest of her two days off holed up in her quarters, never once venturing out. She needed the time and space to process her feelings and devise a plan. She was quite afraid of confronting Dax about the encounter. Kira paced across her living room endlessly. What was she going to say? 

_ “Hey Jadzia, sorry I ran out on you the other day! It’s because I’m falling madly in love with you!”  _ Kira mimed the words sarcastically and shook her head. 

She had never been in love with a woman before. She’d thought various women to be attractive, sure, but refused to give it much thought when it happened. Now, all of her evasion tactics had failed spectacularly. She felt worn and heartbroken. 

_ I don’t know how to be in love with a woman. _

Eventually her luck ran out and Odo requested her to join him on the Promenade. Something about preparing for Vedek Winn’s next visit to DS9. 

She shrugged on her uniform and peered out of her doorway, hesitantly. As she took a step to leave, she noticed a bouquet of flowers under her foot. They were the same lilac and baby blue flowers along her and Jadzia’s path in the holosuite program. There was no note, but Kira didn’t need one to know who had left them. 

She picked up the bouquet, placed them in a vase with water on her dining table. and left. 


	5. Timing

With few prepared answers for her behavior, she left her quarters the next day at 0700 to report for duty in Ops. 

Only a few ensigns were up and about doing routine checks when she arrived. O’Brien was groaning loudly at whatever problem had appeared in the Station’s central computer. Sisko would be there at 0800 with Dax as usual. Kira had just under an hour to download as many of the previous night’s reports as she could and find somewhere other the Ops to work on her own. 

She was almost done retrieving her reports and work to do for the day when Dax walked in, fifteen minutes earlier than usual. Kira grumbled quietly and tried to remain calm. She peered over her shoulder praying to the Prophets that Dax would leave her be but they were not so merciful. 

“How are you feeling?” Jadzia stood at the side of Kira’s control panel. Jadzia appeared cool and calm, with only a slight indication of worry playing out on her forehead. The look of concern made Kira's knees weak and she gripped the panel for support. She kept her eyes on her work and replied nonchalantly. 

“I’m fine.” 

Jadzia shifted her posture, looking away to scan the room and then looking back. She analyzed Kira’s features intently. Lowering her head and in a much quieter volume she whispered, “You didn’t seem fine the other day. What happened?”

A moment passed in silence, and then Kira replied sternly. “Nothing happened.” Jadzia waited, unmoved from her position. “I apologize but I need to finish this, Lieutenant Dax.” At last Kira looked straight at Jadzia, her eyes betraying their owner’s desperation. 

“Maybe we’ll talk later then.” Jadzia smiled weakly and walked away. A few minutes later, Kira exchanged places with Sisko on the turbolift and left for the Promenade. He peered at Jadzia, making a face. 

The Trill sighed and shook her head at Benjamin. 

* * *

“You didn’t tell her?” 

“No, Benjamin, I didn’t.”

“And why the hell not?!” 

“She didn’t exactly give me the chance!”

“Then why did she leave? I though she left because you told her and she was upset!”

“I don’t know why she left. I didn’t tell her how I felt and I don’t know what happened.” Jadzia leaned back on her chair and stared at the Commander’s ceiling. She leaned forward again, hands clasped and elbows on her knees spread apart. “I tried asking her this morning but she barely tolerated my presence, Benjamin. She was trying to act stoic and unaffected but something’s happening with Kira that I’m obviously missing.”

“And you said she seemed fine when you saw her that morning?”

“Yes! I have been going over and over it in my mind and I can’t think of anything to indicate she was that distressed, let alone upset with me. She seemed a little distracted but I had assumed that was because she didn’t want to try yet another holosuite.” The woman sighed and scratched her head. “Everything was going so smoothly.”

“What exactly happened leading up to her leaving?”

“We got breakfast at that new shop near Quark’s and chatted, nothing out of the ordinary. Then we started the holoprogram. It was a pretty light journey for about twenty minutes. I was walking in front and she was walking behind me most of the way, but we were talking. She was laughing at all of the jokes I made and seemed to actually be enjoying herself for once. Then we hit a narrow part of the trail that was off the side of the mountain. Eventually I hit a spot where the footing was loose and Kira must not have been paying attention because she ran right into me. We both fell about four meters down a slight slope and landed on the next section of the trail." Jadzia moved her hand in the air to illustrate. "I thought it was funny but Kira looked horrified. Next thing I know she’s jumped off of me and is commanding the computer to end the program while running out the door.”

Sisko and Jadzia remained quiet for a minute. 

“Could it be that Kira was...angry? Maybe she was angry that you could have been hurt or angry that you were brushing off a dangerous accident?”

“It’s not like the safety protocols were off! Besides, she didn’t look angry. If I had to guess, she looked scared, spooked even.”

“Major Kira, scared? That’s not a common site. I don’t know old man, I can’t think of many things that would scare Kira and you are definitely not one of them.”

Jadzia chuckled and Captain Sisko grinned. “You saying I’m not tough enough to be scary?”

“Oh you’re tough alright, but not as tough as Kira.”

“I’d guess you’re right.” Jadzia smiled and slumped further into her seat. “I still want to tell her Benjamin. Even if it’s a suicide mission, I feel like I need to get it off my chest. But with Kira this upset I don’t know if I’ll ever have a chance to do so.” 

“Give it time, Dax. Maybe you won’t discover what’s plaguing Kira but my guess is that with enough time you’ll get a chance to tell her how you feel, suicide mission or not.”

“You’re right. I’ll give it a few days and try my luck again.”

“Don’t worry old man, I know it’ll work out.” Benjamin got up from his desk and gently shook the Lieutenant's shoulder as she sighed in her seat.


	6. Out of Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jadzia's done with Kira's games and Kira's running out of evasive maneuvers! What will happen next?!

As the days passed, Jadzia studied Kira’s increasingly puzzling behavior. Kira continued to avoid Jadzia as much as possible, and only spoke to her in a neutral, professional tone when absolutely necessary. When they were in the same room together, Kira kept to herself, her vibrant personality now dimmed. The rest of the crew were taking notice. 

When Jadzia wasn’t around however, Kira seemed to be less distracted by her thoughts. Jadzia would catch glances of her around the station and while Kira was not completely back to her normal self, she seemed far less anxious. Jadzia even caught her joking around with Odo once or twice. 

All of this was beginning to frustrate Jadzia. She could feel Curzon’s temper begin to boil up, telling her that Kira was being quite rude to keep Jadzia in the dark, to ignore her existence as if it was the sole cause of Kira’s unhappiness. But Jadzia had spent enough time with Kira to know that she was one of the most honest and loyal individuals in the Alpha quadrant. If Jadzia had truly lost Kira’s friendship, Kira would have confronted her about the reason long ago. And if Kira was still a loyal friend of Jadzia’s, then whatever was happening was not in an effort to hurt Jadzia but protect her from something even worse. If only Jadzia could uncover what was worse than losing the person she cared about so deeply. 

After a week, Jadzia decided it was time to try again; if Kira wasn’t willing to talk by now, she’d never be. One evening after Ops had cleared out of the other high-ranking officers, Jadzia found Kira reading some recent criminal activity reports. She walked up behind Kira quietly and stood in front of her a meter away. 

“Kira.”

“Oh, hi Lieutenant.” Kira looked up at Jadzia for only a second. Her demeanor was as detached as the first time she saw Jadzia after the holosuite incident. Kira continued scrolling through the reports as Jadzia watched. 

But Jadzia was going to give up today. “I was wondering if you were free to grab dinner with me. We could go anywhere you’d like, your choice.”

Kira looked up again. She was trying to appear as calm as possible, but Dax saw right through the facade. Kira wasn’t nearly as good of a liar as she believed herself to be.  “I’m sorry Lieutenant, I’m not feeling very well. I was hoping to relax in my quarters tonight.” Kira turned to leave towards the turbolift, but Jadzia stepped in her path. Their bodies were now closer together. Kira took a step back apprehensively. 

“Then how about tomorrow for lunch?”

Kira smiled weakly. “I’m afraid I already have plans with Dr. Bashir.” Another lie. 

“For lunch? Well you’re very lucky to get Julian away from Garak.”

“You’re right, I am.” Kira looked up again at Jadzia with a forced smile that quickly fell apart. Jadzia was losing patience. 

She stepped closer and placed her tablet on the command panel behind Kira. “Kira, you need to talk to me,” Jadzia whispered. 

“There’s nothing to talk about, Lieutenant.”

“Yes there is.  _ Please,  _ stop acting like I’m going to walk away from this because I’m not.”

Kira’s jaw tensed and she closed her eyes. “I can’t talk about this right now.”

“Then  _ when _ ?”

Kira rubbed at her right temple. “2000 hours, my quarters.”

Jadzia grinned triumphantly. “I’ll see you then.”


	7. Conclusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "And now the conclusion."

Kira nervously paced across her quarters. “I can tell her that it was sacred ground, not a place to be laughing or rolling around, which would explain why I got mad but not why I’m still mad or plan on continuing to avoid her. I can tell her I’m still upset over that run in with Dukat but that doesn’t explain why I was upset with  _ her _ . I can tell her I was tired of trying to have fun in the holosuites but that also doesn’t explain why I’m still keeping my distance all this time later.” Kira groaned. “This is useless. I have nothing to explain my actions and Jadzia is-” Kira’s voice broke.  _ Jadzia is so upset with me. I know I should be staying as far away from her as possible but I don’t want to hurt her while doing so, but then I don’t know how to keep her away from me without telling her the truth. Maybe I should tell her, she’ll be disgusted with me and that solves all of my problems. But Prophets I can’t bare to think of how she’d look at me if I told her.  _

Kira held her face in her hands and closed her eyes. She knew the inevitable was coming but she couldn’t bring herself to face it. The shame and guilt she felt over having feelings for Dax was only compounded by the guilt she felt for upsetting Dax now. She couldn’t win, and it was all her fault for letting her feelings get the best of her. She didn’t deserve a friend like Dax. 

She was practically already in tears when the door chimed. “Come in.”

* * *

The first thing Jadzia noticed when she walked in was the flowers sitting on Kira’s table. They had begun to wilt a little but their vibrant color remained. She had assumed Kira would throw them away given how she had been acting. The Trill felt herself warm at the idea of Kira gently placing those flowers in her home to be admired. The second thing Jadzia noticed was Kira’s small frame, crumpled in a chair in her living room. Kira had removed the top of her uniform and replaced it with a grey woven shawl around her shoulders. “I brought hasperat, I hope you’re hungry.” Dax placed the container on the table in front of Kira and sat on the couch next to her. Kira’s head was tilted down, but Jadzia could see the slight grin on her face. 

“Thank you, Dax.”

“That’s the first time you haven’t addressed as me Lieutenant in a week.”

Kira looked at Jadzia, startled at the realization. “I guess you’re right.”

The room was silent as Kira opened the container and picked at the food in her hands. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat and scanned the room for anything to distract her. 

Finally, Jadzia broke the uncomfortable tension. “What’s going on, Kira?” Jadzia’s voice was earnest, pleading. She inched further in her seat, her knees only a dozen or so centimeters away from Kira’s. 

“Nothing, I-”

“Don’t. Don’t start with that Kira, it’s obvious something is upsetting you and I want you to tell me what it is. I  _ need  _ you to tell me what it is.”

Kira put the wrap down and stood up to face the window behind them. She crossed her arms and tightly pulled the edges of her shawl around her. Jadzia’s use of her surname did not go unnoticed. Jadzia was toeing the line between cautious distance and the closeness they had built over the last few months. 

“I need space.”

Jadzia followed and stood behind her. 

“Kira, I-I’m sorry for whatever it is you’re dealing with, but I’ve given you space. And you don’t seem to need space from anyone else, just me.”

“It’s not you.”

“Well it sure seems like it!” Jadzia laughed incredulously. “You’ve been avoiding me, you won’t look me in the eye, you haven’t spoken my name since last week in the holosuite. I did something, I’m sure of it.”

“You didn’t, you-” Kira’s head dropped. She sniffled and wiped her nose. Just barely loud enough to hear, she continued “You haven’t done anything wrong, Jadzia.”

Jadzia took a step closer to Kira. She was fighting the urge to grab her and squeeze her tightly. Kira looked so defeated, standing there looking out the window and Jadzia could barely contain herself. The chance to be honest with Kira about her feelings seemed to be slipping out of her grasp. 

“Nerys, I can’t stand to see you like this. Please, I’m begging you to tell me what’s upsetting you. Let me help, whatever it is.”

“I can’t, it’s not…” She exhaled loudly and inhaled with more control in an attempt to steady her breath. “I can’t spend time with you anymore, Jadzia. That’s all you need to know.”

“ _ What _ ?” The word hung in the air. Kira continued to look out the window as Jadzia grew livid. “You suddenly don’t want to see me ever again and you won’t tell me why. I can’t believe it. Doesn’t our relationship  _ mean  _ anything to you?”

“It means everything to me, Jadzia.”

Jadzia’s voice boomed with anger, Curzon’s temper finally breaking through Jadzia’s calm. Or was it Jadzia’s desperate heartbreak erupting to the surface? “Then why the hell can’t you spend time with me anymore? Why can’t you give me an honest answer?”

“I can’t spend time with you, because I-“

Another shallow exhale. There was no way around it. Under her breathe, she yielded, “I have feelings for you, Jadzia.”

Jadzia’s jaw went slack. All at once her entire body felt numb and the room rocked under her feet. She had to refocus her attention on Kira’s words. 

“...and I thought I could rein it in and act appropriately around you and not let my feelings cloud our time together, but then, in the holosuite…”

“Nerys…” Drowsily she placed her hand on Kira’s left shoulder. She remained unwavered and continued. 

“And I can’t believe I’d allow myself to ogle at you like some  _ pathetic kid _ , to think of you in such a predatory way when all you’ve done is be a great friend. I’ve never felt this way for another woman, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I’m so ashamed but I can’t control it,” Nerys growled. Her tears increased with the speed of her words. “I’m so frustrated with myself and I’m sorry I’m hurting you in this, but I just can’t spend time with you anymore.” Nerys’ head fell forward and her voice began to break. “It’s not right for me to, it wouldn’t be right when I think of you like that.”

Jadzia stared at Nerys’ form, unable to comprehend what she just heard. There were very few occasions in her life as Dax that she was without words. She put her other hand on Nerys’ should and turned her around so they were facing each other. 

“How could I have not seen it?” Jadzia whispered. Kira moved to wipe her face.

With her eyes closed, Jadzia steadily continued. “Your feelings are not shameful, and you have never done anything even remotely inappropriate. You haven’t  _ said  _ anything inappropriate, you haven’t  _ done  _ anything inappropriate. I hadn’t even realized at all you felt this way.”

“But then in the holosuite, I-“

“ _Did nothing wrong_.” Jadzia’s eyes flew open, her brows furrowed. “How could you have controlled that? You didn’t intentionally land on me. You have done nothing but act like a true gentleman, Kira Neyrs.” She paused, trying to gauge Kira’s thoughts. The shorter woman’s face was red and puffy from trying to hold back tears and a few more gone rogue down the sides of her cheeks. Jadzia could see how racked Kira was with guilt.  

“I know having feelings for another woman isn’t very common on Bajor.” Kira continued to look down towards her feet silently. “I don’t think it’s disgusting, or shameful, or predatory, or however you’ve been feeling about it.” Becoming increasingly uncomfortable with the situation, Kira turned her head away to blink back tears. “Nerys, I promise you, I do not believe any of that for one second. Everything you’ve said seems like harmless infatuation.”

“It’s not, I – if you knew, when I was on you in the holosuite...” Kira tried to turn out of Jadzia’s arms, but Jadzia held her in place.

“Nerys, I brought you with me on that holoprogram because I was trying to find a way to tell you that I was developing feelings for you.” Nerys looked up at Jadzia, trying to decipher if Jadzia was lying to her. “You can ask Ben if you don’t believe me. He’s been yelling at me to tell you for nearly three weeks.”

They paused, Jadzia’s hands on Nerys’ shoulders, unsure whether to pull Nerys in or let her take the lead. Kira shook her head, blinking back tears. “But I don’t...I didn’t know how...”

Jadzia placed a hand behind Kira’s neck and pulled her into her frame, kissing her forehead gently as Kira sobbed. “I’ve felt so awful I was doing that to you, pushing you away but I didn’t know what else to do.” Jadzia wrapped her arms around Kira even tighter and Kira limply squeezed back. “I thought the only thing I could do way keep you from me.” She shushed Kira gently, tucking Kira’s hair behind her ears. “It’s okay, Nerys. I understand. Everything’s okay, I forgive you.” They stood there rocking together until Kira’s tears ran out. 

“I’m sorry, Jadzia.” Kira squeaked against Jadzia’s neck.  

“No, I’m sorry, Nerys. The way you must have been feeling all this time, it’s unimaginable.”

Another pause. Kira sniffled and pushed away from Jadzia so she could blow her nose. She began to laugh at herself, “You sure you’re actually into  _ this _ ?” She gestured at herself sarcastically.

“I’ve been sure since the moment I saw you,” Jadzia smiled. She pulled Nerys back into her and cupped Nerys’ face with her right hand. Nerys pressed her cheek into Jadzia’s hand, closing her eyes as a few more tears fell. Jadzia tilted Nerys’ chin up, inching their lips closer together. 

The kisses were slow and gentle at first, then needy as both women felt the spark that had been suppressed for months. Kira moaned and gasped in between breaths as Jadzia kissed the other woman’s neck and jawline. Jadzia placed her hands on Kira’s lower back and pulled her in closer as she walked them both towards Kira’s bedroom. Kira hung her arms around Jadzia’s neck and followed her lead. 

* * * 

The two fell asleep, half clothed in Kira’s pajamas and curled into each other. Kira rested her head against Jadzia’s chest with legs intertwined and Jadzia’s grip tight, her lips on Kira’s soft, short hair. 


End file.
